Transforming families around the world
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Comments to the Aware Parenting Institute
Comments received in 2005
(The most recent comments are at the bottom of the page)
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Please note that this is not a personal advice column. If you are a parent in need of advice or support, please visit our Parent Support Page or schedule a telephone consultation with Dr. Solter. Click here for more information about her consultations.
February 14, 2005
Thank you so much for your AMAZING and vital work. I just found your site while doing some exploratory educational research on reward and punishment, and the subsequent, chronic social dysfunction that results. I look forward to learning more about your work.
Port Townsend, Washington, USA
February 18, 2005
I happened on your site through a link on something else I was looking at. I'd never heard of Aware Parenting. I have just followed my instincts in parenting my child who is now one. It's amazing to see that my parenting style is not so strange after all. I'll certainly be getting hold of the books so that I can use them for any future children I might be lucky enough to have. The advice my mother gave me on the birth of my son was, "Follow your instincts. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it." Another friend said, "Do what feels right, and if other people criticise what you are doing, then don't tell them any more, just keep on following your instinct." I did just that, and it worked!
February 21, 2005
I am a parent of four boys whom I raised using attachment parenting and non-punitive disciple. I have returned to college and am working on on my elementary school teaching certificate. My problem now is how to convince my professors that traditional methods of "classroom management" (time-out, loss of priviledges, turning cards, etc.) are not effective in changing behavior in the long run. Are you aware of any resources helping teachers develop classrooms that do not use punishment?
Reply from Aletha Solter
For early childhood educators, I recommend anything published by the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). This organization advocates non-punitive discipline, and has published numerous books and articles on this topic. For teachers of school-aged children (elementary school, junior high, and high school), I would recommend the following books: Teacher Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon, Punished by Rewards and Beyond Discipline by Alfie Kohn.
June 27, 2005
My name is Nati Mor from Israel, mother of Yuval, who is two years and four months old. I really want to thank you for your amazing books. I read The Aware Baby when Yuval was three months, and... I loved Helping Young Children Flourish even more. I think those were the most important parenting books I've seen so far, and I am a heavy reader. I really connected to the feeling of being told to shut up when I cried as a little girl, and as a big girl too. My husband and I learned to show our son that we accept him no matter how he feels, and that it is OK to be angry and to express it with tears. I live in a pretty nice area where we have mother-baby-family centers, and many babies are attached to their mothers. And yet, even among most of my friends, I often see the habit of shutting up cries and encouraging happy faces...
Thank you so much for this direction, which started my parenting experience as something I feel really right about.
Click here for information about Aware Parenting in Israel, and images of the Hebrew editions of Aletha Solter's books.
July 8, 2005
I have a five-month-old who has been waking two to four times a night since he was born, despite the fact that he has always been a large baby, and doesn't seem to need to eat every time he wakes. I was afraid that I would have to resort to letting him cry it out if this didn't change relatively soon. After reading your advice online, and letting him cry in my arms at night, he has only woken up once a night the last three nights in a row! I have seen other changes in him as well. I can't believe how well your advice worked, and so quickly too. I just purchased all three of your books, and can't wait to learn more. Thanks you SOOOOO much! I can't believe your advice is not more wide-spread. I certainly am telling everyone I know.
Skokie, Illinois, U.S.A.
July 23, 2005
I found your website soon after the birth of my fourth child. He was born with pneumonia and was extremely ill for quite some time. We almost lost him. I have always believed in doing everything naturally, including childbirth and child rearing. When we brought Jude, our son, home from the hospital, I held him almost every hour of the day, even when preparing meals or doing things with my other children. Well, needless to say, the housework did not get done.
My husband, who has never believed that you can spoil a baby, finally said that I was just going to have to put him down long enough to do some things around the house. I let him know that I was not at all comfortable with that, but I put the baby down long enough in between nursing sessions to clean the house from top to bottom and get all of the laundry done. The baby did cry a few times and I cried right along with him. I just knew in my heart of hearts that it was wrong not to hold him. After the house was done, I scooped my sweet baby up and told him how sorry I was.
Then I immediately got on the Internet to research letting babies cry (without being held), and yours was the first website I visited. I was so relieved to find that my gut feelings were correct. I printed out my findings and presented them to my husband as soon as he returned home from work. He felt very guilty about it and has since helped out with the housework.
My son is nearly four months old now and my husband and I both have become very adept at completing tasks with one hand. It is easier now that Jude can support his own head, and he will lie down and play with toys and his siblings. Everyone says, "He is such a content baby!" I know that it is because he feels safe, secure and loved. I wish I had known about this site and your books when I had my other children!
Thanks so much,
Covington, Tennessee, U.S.A.
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