Transforming families around the world
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Comments to the Aware Parenting Institute
Comments received in 2007
(The most recent comments are at the bottom of the page)
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Please note that this is not a personal advice column. If you are a parent in need of advice or support, please visit our Parent Support Page or schedule a telephone consultation with Dr. Solter. Click here for more information about her consultations.
January 31, 2007
I just read the Twenty Alternatives to Punishment on your web site. I was so happy to see this! I do most of these already with my 3 and 4-year-olds, but there were some new ideas for me as well. I don't believe in hitting and I think that there are many other options out there. Thank you for putting this list together and educating parents on how to deal with children without violence.
Karen E. Blasky
Mount Clemens, Missouri, U.S.A.
April 2, 2007
Dear Dr. Solter and fellow disciples,
I just want to thank you for your work and your efforts to spread the message. Thanks to Alice Miller, Dr. Janov, and especially yourself, my children and I are now both healthy and happy together (after a long story of depression on my part, recovery in 1999). We have formed a bond of exceptional quality. (A pity it is so exceptional, by the way, it should in fact be the rule, because this is so natural).
Every time I see an opportunity, I have made it a point to give your book (Tears and Tantrums) as a present to my friends and have recently started giving it also to people I meet but don't know much about, like my kids' schoolmates' mothers, when I can spot symptoms in their children. I must say so far I've had few successes, but when it works I've got the wonderful feeling to have saved a kid's health, and the looks those children give me is amazing. They know!
Thanks again, and keep up the effort!
Thérèse Odile Dubuis
May 2, 2007
My name is Liz an I am a postpartum Doula. I am searching the web to add to my list of resources and am so glad I found your web site. I will be placing it at the top of my list! My only wish is that this wonderful resource was around while I was raising my three children. I will also be purchasing a copy of your book, The Aware Baby so I may lend it to my clients. Thanks for giving parents a loving option to raising their children.
June 30, 2007
All my life I have cried a lot at sad films, bad news, funerals, weddings, etc. My children all know that I cry, but I don't think they understand it. I didn't understand it myself until today when an outbreak of tears prompted me to search the Internet. Googling on 'crying' and 'tears,' I found your site on the subject. Even though the site dealt mainly with children, I feel better. Thank you.
August 14, 2007
Dear Dr. Solter,
I just finished your book, Tears and Tantrums, and was profoundly impacted by it. I have a 17-month old daughter who has started regular temper tantrums in the past months and I was so scared of them. After reading your book, I was able to connect with unconscious experiences from my own childhood that were leaving me feeling powerless and incompetent in the face of my daughter's strong feelings. Your ideas have helped me weather these storms and face them with strength and a sense of honor, that she trusts my husband and me enough to let go and feel.
It has also helped me professionally as I am a psychologist, and I see its applicability for all ages. I work with adults, adolescents and couples. I wondered if you might have a recommendation for a book like yours that would be tailored more to adolescents, which I could recommend to parents. It think it would be so helpful. Thank you so much for your very thoughtful ideas.
San Francisco, California, U.S.A.
Reply from Aletha Solter:
Thank you for your message and interest in my work.
I am pleased to hear that my book has helped you understand your daughter better, and also professionally.
My most recent book, Raising Drug-Free Kids, covers all age ranges, and a good chunk of the book is devoted to the 12 to 18-year age range. This book describes a complete approach to parenting, going beyond what one usually thinks of as drug prevention.
I also recommend Thomas Gordon's book, Parent Effectiveness Training, for parents of teens, although this book does not emphasize the importance of crying as much as I do in my books.
September 28, 2007
Dear Dr. Solter,
I just read your article from Mothering magazine, Crying for Comfort, and I want to thank you for advocating a crying-in-arms method of parenting. As a mother of a three-month-old, I frequently hold her as she cries (once I'm sure all her needs are met) and while it isn't always easy, it is surely worth it. She has so much attention and is bright-eyed and curious about the world around her. She looks into people's eyes and expects to be seen. As I make friends with other moms, many are practicing the cry-it-out method, which breaks my heart. I will use your article as a reference when I try to suggest other ways of how one can parent.
Brooklyn, New York, U.S.A.
December 18, 2007
Dear Dr. Solter,
Hello, My name is Cathy Jordan and I am a therapist in Jackson, Tennessee, where I just moved at the end of September. I have been disturbed and disappointed by all the harsh discipline and support of spanking I have found here in the South. I saw it in the North too, but it is so blatant here. I have had a very hard time adjusting.
I came across your website while searching for positive discipline online. I have a two-and-a-half year-old son. He is the light of my life, and positive parenting and attachment parenting have been so fulfilling for me and my husband. I absolutely love it.
I currently provide therapy to foster children... My point in writing to you is to thank you for spreading your positive and peaceful message. I am trying to bring my co-workers and foster parents I work with in line with positive parenting, but it is so hard to change their firmly held beliefs. They say, "Spanking worked for me and it works for my kids!" It breaks my heart!
I am referring people to your website and I am going to present your Twenty Alternatives to Punishment tomorrow at our clinical staffing.
Again, thank you so very much.
Jackson, Tennessee, U.S.A.
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