How to Obtain Support for Aware Parenting

Dr. Aletha Solter is a Swiss/American developmental psychologist who is recognized internationally as an expert on attachment, trauma, and nonpunitive discipline. She has led workshops for parents and professionals in twelve countries. The titles of her four books, translated into several languages, are The Aware Baby, Helping Young Children Flourish, Tears and Tantrums, and Raising Drug-Free Kids. Aware Parenting is the philosophy of parenting described in her books.

Don't expect quick, simple answers

I realize that it is not easy to raise children according to the principles of Aware Parenting. It is probably quite different from the way you yourself were brought up, and you may not know any other parents who are trying to raise their children this way. Many parents have questions about this approach, feel isolated or overwhelmed, and need advice or support.

Please do not e-mail me for personal advice. I receive so many e-mail requests for advice from parents around the world that, unfortunately, I do not have the time to send personalized replies. Even if I did have the time, my advice would be a repetition of the material that is printed in my four books, unless I had extensive background information about your particular child and family situation. Furthermore, Aware Parenting does not consist of quick, simplistic answers. Sometimes the key to solving a problem lies in something that you may not initially be aware of.

Phone consultations

I offer phone consultations for people who have read at least one of my books and filled out a pre-consultation questionnaire. This questionnaire gives me important background information. When I talk with parents, I am often able to use this information to get at the root of a problem and make helpful suggestions. This is impossible to do by e-mail. If you want to see the questionnaire, I'll be glad to e-mail it to you (in English or French). There is no fee or commitment required for the questionnaire.

If you decide to schedule a phone consultation, please send back the completed questionnaire, and call or e-mail me for an appointment. (805-968-1868, solter@awareparenting.com). I am usually able to accommodate most people within a week (unless I am on a workshop tour). I charge a fee of $60 (or 60 euros) per hour for phone consultations. I do not charge anything for the time it takes me to read your completed questionnaire before the consultation. Please click here for more information about my phone consultations.

Other sources of help

1. Read my books (The Aware Baby, Helping Young Children Flourish, Tears and Tantrums, and Raising Drug-Free Kids.). If you have read only one or two of them, you may find answers to your question in another one of my books. Some of these books have been translated into Dutch, French, German, Hebrew, Italian, Portuguese, and Spanish. My two workbooks (English edition only) may also help you. They are full of exercises and charts to help parents put the theory of Aware Parenting into practice.

2. Read the articles posted on our web site. One of them may address your particular question or concern.

3. Check our web site to see if there is an Aware Parenting instructor in your area who is teaching a class, support group, or workshop where you can ask your questions and find support. Some of the instructors also offer private consultations. Go to our home page and click on the flag for your country.

4. Sign up for the free Aware Parenting e-mail discussion group at Yahoo. This group is for people who are familiar with my work. Perhaps one or more of the parents in that group will be able to help you. (Please note that this group is neither sponsored nor moderated by me or the Aware Parenting Institute.)

5. Form your own Aware Parenting support group or study group. It doesn't have to be large. Sharing ideas and expressing feelings with one other person can be very beneficial. Everyone needs someone to talk to and a shoulder to cry on. You can use the exercises following each chapter in The Aware Baby and Helping Young Children Flourish to explore your childhood and your feelings. Doing this may help you to clarify some issues. You can also use my workbooks as a guide for exercises and discussions in a group setting. These workbooks grew out of my own experiences leading Aware Parenting classes.

6. Try to obtain help with the daily work of parenting and with housework. Remember that parenting is a difficult job. Don't try to do it alone. If you have no extended family nearby, try to create your own "tribe" of friends. Meet other parents with children the same age as yours. Perhaps you can form a playgroup, exchange childcare, or do housework together. If your children are teenagers, get to know the parents of their friends. Remember that we human beings evolved in extended family clans where no adult was ever expected to be the sole caretaker for a child.

7. Have realistic expectations for your children and yourself. You don't have to be perfect. A few mistakes are not going to damage your child forever. With the tools of Aware Parenting, you can always repair and heal whatever damage you may have caused. Remember that being a parent is a continual learning and growing process.

8. Find a therapist for individual or group therapy. Look for sources of anger in your own childhood rather than in your child.

9. If your child has serious behavior problems or is involved with drugs, take him to a psychologist or a substance abuse counselor.

This page was last updated on January 17, 2008. Copyright © 2003-2008 by Aletha Solter. All rights reserved.