Note: this advice should not be used as a substitute for medical opinion or treatment. If illness or pain are suspected, always consult with a doctor. For more information about this approach to parenting, see Dr. Solter's books: The Aware Baby, Helping Young Children Flourish, Tears and Tantrums, and Raising Drug-Free Kids.

Question:

My six-week-old daughter is generally a perfect baby during the day. In the evening, however, she often refuses to eat more than a few seconds at a time. I'm not sure if this is considered to be colic or not, because she only cries incessantly when I try to feed her or when she finally becomes so hungry she can't stand it. I am currently breastfeeding and supplementing with formula. She has refused to eat either way. Usually, she will suck for a few seconds and then pull away and cry, kicking her legs and waving her arms. After a few hours of this, she eventually ends up being hungry enough to eat and fall asleep, but it is frustrating trying to console her in the meantime. My doctor recommended burping her frequently during feedings, but this has not helped. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Answer:

If your doctor has found nothing physically wrong with your baby, I recommend checking with a lactation consultant to see if your baby is latching on to your breast properly. Perhaps she is having difficulty breathing or swallowing while nursing, or perhaps your milk letdown reflex is not working soon enough, and this is causing her frustration. But if she is able to nurse properly, and seems to be gaining weight normally, it is worth considering possible emotional reasons for the crying.

It is very common for babies to have crying spells in the evenings, and this crying typically peaks at around six to eight weeks of age. This has been called "colic" but in many cases it probably has nothing to do with stomach pain. Babies may actually benefit from this kind of crying, because it helps them release stress. If your baby refuses to eat and wants to cry instead, she could be expressing a need to cry in order to release a build-up of stress. Babyhood is very stressful, even with the best of parenting.

Research has shown that babies who had a difficult birth with medical interventions, or whose mothers had a stressful pregnancy, tend to cry much more than babies who did not experience these traumas. These crying spells seem to help the babies heal from the early traumas.

Another possible cause for crying in infants is overstimulation. Keep your baby in a calm environment, close to your own body as much as possible, and avoid too many transitions and trips outside the home. Even a trip to the grocery store can be overstimulating for a sensitive infant, causing a greater need to cry later on.

When your baby has crying spells, make sure all her immediate needs are met (recently fed, burped, changed, etc.), and then try holding her while reassuring her of your love. Let her know that you understand her need to release stress by crying, and that you are willing to listen to her. Babies should never be left to cry alone. Allow her to cry as much as she needs to in the safety and comfort of your arms, and refrain from repeated attempts to feed her if she refuses to nurse at those times. After the crying spell has run its course, you will find yourself holding a much more relaxed baby, who will then indicate when she is ready to nurse or go to sleep.

For more information about this in-arms crying approach, I recommend my article, What to do when your baby cries, and my books, The Aware Baby and Tears and Tantrums.

Copyright © 1998, 2003 by Aletha Solter

The Aware Parenting Institute

This page was created on November 10, 2003. Last updated on April 14, 2009.